Bedoya M/ Enfermería Investiga Vol. 8 No. 4 2024 (December - January)
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it allows us to “de-essentialize” the hegemonic discourses that
sustain reified forms around sexual and reproductive decisions,
recognizing the nuances from women's experiences, with their
coexistences and contradictions.
The first tension that appears in the cultural mandate is the
dispossession of self. For Hubert, Mauss (19) and Swigart (20),
the dedication of the subject towards a sacred other implies a
moral adjustment or change, which, in the case of women in their
motherhood, is expressed in consecrating their sons and
daughters, making them subjects of veneration, worship and
privilege. The mother gives up her place, becomes an instrument
and motherhood becomes a sacrificial exercise, but also guilty
suffering. Sacrifice constitutes a divine blessing, which
constitutes the highest moral value and even the perfect
expression of one's own goodness (10), in permanent tension
with uncertainty and guilt due to the imminence of error or
deviation in the task.
Following Lagarde (9), this situation is amplified if we take into
account that the social reproduction activities of the mother-wife
are not recognized and she does not have financial
remuneration, even though her work is to maintain and preserve
the lives of others. Motherhoods become more complex,
because many times maternity is experienced without sufficient
support networks or when they are present, they are not part of
the work, in contexts where parenting and care are strongly
gendered issues and the presence of the mother is essential to
care of the children.
In many of the participants' stories, the mother is not the subject
of motherhood but rather its object. That is to say, the mother
woman is an instrument, a means of life and care for another
being, who is stripped and strips of herself. Lonzi (7) refers that
women have been trained to care for the body and spirit of their
son or daughter, in socialization processes in which obligation
and unconditional love are embodied as a univocal identity of
motherhood. From this perspective, motherhood is hardly
compatible with one's own aspirations, and self-sacrifice is
necessary to preserve the life of another, a divine gift that must
be accepted with resignation (21). Vivas (22) suggests that
beyond the biological dimension derived from the potential for
reproduction, motherhood has been consolidated in a social,
historical and cultural environment that shapes and sustains it
under parameters of self-denial and sacrifice, strongly fueled by
a morality of a religious order, whose reference image is the
Virgin Mary in her connotation as a mother and in her expression
of fertility and care.
The second tension has to do with the juxtaposition between
dispossession and omnipotence. Rosero (23) mentions the
existence of the criteria of a "good" and "bad" mother, generating
from there the ideology of the omnipotent mother. This model of
mother is the most preponderant, idealized and perfect, whose
care directed towards the child and family is unique and
unequivocal. Women make their desire to mother a historical
reference, in which they find their goal and meaning in life. That
is to say, the reason of giving everything for another seems to be
essential in the mother-child relationship, satisfying the most
intimate desires such as breastfeeding, caressing and providing
exceptional and privileged care.
Consequently, motherhood, while implying sacrifice and self-
emptying, is transformed into a claim to omnipotence. Self-denial
and consecration make women powerful in said role, but only in
said role (24-25). Therefore, when women express indifference
to the fact of having or not having children, this leads to the
indication of inability to carry out accomplish the task, and not to
freedom of decision. Even, as we saw previously, the participants
who express their ideological and militant affiliation with feminism
express their postponement of motherhood because they do not
feel prepared for such a magnified responsibility, in which not
only economic conditions come into play, but also others that
touch with the emotional and the moral aspects. In all of the
participants' stories, we found that the decision to abort, rather
than being based on a free and autonomous decision regarding
breastfeeding, responds to a postponement. In this sense, a
double burden is produced, because not only is the social
sanction experienced for the abortion decision, but also a self-
sanction is experienced for not yet achieving the expected
maternal competencies.
In this regard, the historical overview of the representations of
motherhood made by Rosero (23) is interesting, where he
explains that the notion of the omnipotent mother is associated
with the impact of her maternal activity on her result, the son or
daughter in such a way that any positive manifestation in this is
a product of the omnipotence of the mother to build the life of the
child. The postponement of motherhood is the response to the
magnitude of what it represents for women, that omnipotent path
from birth until a split occurs between mother and child, that
helplessness of the newborn that demands an omnipotent
goddess to their shelter (26).
In contrast, the bad mother arises, one whose role negatively
impacts the children. The mother, who has all the power to
determine the lives of her children, can play a deficient role, not
adjusted to expectations. The result of this is the imbalance in
the lives of the children, at least until they are able to fend for
themselves ( 2. 3). The denatured mother or bad mother is one
who does not know how to raise, is not loving and dedicated to
her children. She represents a figure of individuality, who decides
not to reproduce. She is subject to social sanction for not feeling
affection for her children, expressing confusion over motherhood
or expressing regret for her choice (27). For Ordóñez (28), bad
mothers are those who do not comply with the socially
constructed ideals of motherhood. They are absent, denatured
and detached women. They violate and attack the shared social
construction of the good mother.
The upbringing and care that mothering entails become
gendered activities, they are experienced in an ambivalence
between the deserving of social recognition, a strong demand
and its potential burden of frustration. Bogino (29) mentions that
motherhood entails physical effort and, in turn, invisible
psychological work, with high social costs for women. Mothers,
while being considered omnipotent and self-sacrificing, are
subjected to strict control regarding what should be, what is
expected of them. The label of “denaturalized mother” used to
name those mothers who do not fit the expected model (8). This
reinforces the idea of an essentialization of mothering, from
which leaks, cracks, or disruptions are not allowed, adding new
burdens of suffering. Faced with the myth of the woman-mother,
“bad mothers” include those who murder their children, those
who abuse and abandon them, but also those who abort or those
who decide not to be mothers.
The idealization of divine sacrifice and the pure act of love
generate a contrast with the experience of gestating, giving birth
and caring when, above all, they are carried out in solitude and